‘I can’t read your mind’

One of the partnerships I am following had a wobbly patch just recently.  The two key partners were tired, a little fed-up.  Temporarily, their joint project felt more challenging than delightful.  For a while, neither partner knew what was needed, for themselves or for each other.  At one point one person said to the other: ‘I can’t read your mind’.

So the partners stepped back briefly from the main task, drafting in other support to keep things going while they checked in with each other.  They took the chance to listen to each other and communicate properly.  It didn’t take long before things back on track.

Or rather, things were more or less back on track. The people involved remained a little wobbly; but they understood more about each other and how to look out for each other.

Actually this was a fairly minor morning episode in the life of a small family, but it reminded me strongly of comments from some people I’ve interviewed, and who’ve responded to my survey.  Communication is key: clarity is essential. We can’t read each others’ minds, even if we want to.  There are tools and techniques to draw on when extra help is needed to re-focus and re-energise the project.

I’m getting especially interested in the practical tools that exist to help us access common-sense approaches.  One very useful (and unusual) resource suggested to me is The partnership analysis tool – by Victoria Health, Australia.  It gives three exercises to work through at different stages of a partnership.  You can download it at: www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/~/media/About%20Us/Attachments/VHP%20part%20toollow%20res.ashx

Nothing is perfect

I was glad to spend time yesterday with Alicia Lara, Vice President, Community Investment at United Way of Greater Los Angeles who shared her extensive experience of partnerships in the philanthropic world. We were intrigued by the unexpected similarities between our organisations.

I’m very grateful to her for handing on a copy of  Elwood Hopkins’ book, ‘Collective Philanthropies: What Grops of Foundaitons Can Do That Individual Funders Cannot’.   I like his clear ramework, suggesting partnerships can be used by grant-makers as a tool for:

- increasing efficiency

- framing comprehensive solutions

- fostering risk-taking

- improving governance

- improving communications and knowledge management

- setting directions

He argues that partnerships are a sign of maturity in the philanthropic world.  Importantly, he acknowledges there is a flip-side.   Alicia – who has worked closely with Elwood – talked about this too.  She reminded me that there are times when the hours and effort required seems too great; when you have to say no and draw back.

We talked too about the challenges for programme officers in managing new projects and partnerships when Chief Executives have great ideas!  It’s always good to meet people like Alicia, who have vision but are not afraid to discuss the lessons we can learn from ‘failures’.

Sharing our resources

Judy and David's balcony - a haven with views of Downtown LA

House-sitting: what a great way of sharing resources, building bridges and living graciously!  We’re house-sitting now, in Los Angeles.  Judy, David and Pau are in Vermont for a fortnight (visiting her brother who has a maple syrup farm – sounds great!).  They wanted somebody to keep an eye on the house and feed the cats, Paco and Eli.  We hope we’re helping them out, but they are helping us more.

That’s because our Los Angeles family’s apartment isn’t big enough for us to stay in.  Four weeks’ of self-catering rent or hotel charges would have been difficult to find  (and who wants to stay in a hotel for that long?).  So when Lauren spotted Judy’s invitation – circulated through a local parents’ support group – we couldn’t believe our luck.  We’ve been able to stay near the new baby, cook, wash clothes, relax, and feel as though we’re really living here. It’s been lovely to learn a little about the artistic, creative hosts we haven’t (yet) met.  And it’s been a treat getting to know the neighbourhood of Los Feliz, which we’d never have found otherwise.

And what about our house, lying empty all these weeks?  An email to friends, passed on to their friends, put us in touch with Rob, Antonia and Frank, temporarily homeless while they try to buy a house.  They’ve moved in for a couple of weeks and it was brilliant to hear that Frank (aged 4) has made a den in the back garden.  Then our fab Ozzy friends Jane and Tanya will be moving in during August, with their Ukeleles – my only regret is not being there for the parties they’ll inevitably throw.

Writing about this reminded me of the phrase in the (Quaker) Advices and Queries: ‘Try to make your home a place of loving friendship and enjoyment, where all who live or visit may find the peace and refreshment of God’s presence.’

Does charity begin at home?  I never liked the phrase much: it seems to assume  that ‘we’ are more important than ‘they’ out there.  And, working in the charity sector, I know how contestable the term ‘charity’ is.  But of course home is a good place to start, not only as a bedrock for our own lives, but also as a place of safety, that we can share with others.

Small but significant partnership

Fynn and Delilah

For prospective and new parents, there is – and should be – a good time of focusing inwards.  For the past week, it’s been amazing to be part of a small, new world.  Delilah and her parents are getting to know each other, working out how to feed and burp and cuddle and sleep.    It’s been wonderful – and emotional and tiring – to share some of this experience.

This is practical partnership with a vengeance.  For Delilah’s mother, the priority is feeding the baby, resting and getting strong again – although we’re all amazed at how strong she has been during and after the birth.  Her father  is concentrating on helping them both stay calm, changing nappies and giving cuddles (and how good he is at that!)  Andi and I – and the other grandparents – have been hovering on the edges, offering meals and encouragement now and again.   Gradually, friends are calling, dropping in, bringing smiles and presents and a sense of normality.

So all of that is a joy, and good to be part of.  But I have to admit that it was surprisingly energising to return yesterday to ‘work’.  Looking again at the notes of some of the interviews I’ve done with people in foundations I’ve been reminded of the rich, practical experiences of partnerships I have to draw on.  Thanks to everyone, too, who has contributed via my online survey (www.surveymonkey.com/s/foundationpartnerships).  And I lugged a heavy folder of articles and reports across the continent, so I’d better get on with reading them now, in spite of the enticing Californian sunshine.